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Explaining Dementia to Children: A Compassionate Approach

Kelly Yale • October 10, 2023

This is a special but delicate time for kids

Dementia is a challenging and often heartbreaking condition that affects millions of individuals worldwide, including our loved ones. When a family member or close friend is diagnosed with dementia, it can be a confusing and emotional experience for adults, let alone children. However, it's crucial to include children in these conversations to help them understand and cope with the changes they will witness in their loved one's behavior. In this article, we will explore some compassionate ways to explain dementia to children.


Choose Age-Appropriate Language

The first step in explaining dementia to children is using language and concepts that are suitable for their age and comprehension level. Tailor your explanations to their understanding, avoiding medical jargon or complex terms. Use simple, clear language, and be prepared to answer their questions patiently.


Emphasize That It's Not Their Fault

Children may feel responsible for a loved one's condition or believe that they did something wrong to cause it. Reassure them that dementia is not anyone's fault, and it is not something they could have prevented or caused. This will help alleviate any unnecessary guilt or anxiety.


Focus on the Person, Not the Disease

Encourage children to remember their loved one as the person they have always known and loved, rather than solely as a dementia patient. Share stories and memories to help the child connect with the individual behind the illness. This humanizes the situation and promotes empathy.


Use Metaphors and Analogies

Metaphors and analogies can be helpful tools when explaining dementia to children. For instance, you might compare the brain to a library where some books are becoming harder to read or find. This can make it easier for children to grasp the concept of memory loss without delving into complex neurological explanations.


Highlight How They Can Help

Empower children by explaining how they can support their loved one with dementia. Encourage them to be patient, kind, and understanding, just as they would be with a friend who needs help. Let them know that their love and companionship can make a significant difference in their loved one's life.


Be Honest About Changes

Dementia can bring about changes in behavior and personality that may be difficult for children to understand. Be honest about these changes, explaining that they are a result of the illness and not a reflection of their loved one's true character. Emphasize that the person is still the same underneath.


Prepare for Future Changes

Dementia is a progressive condition, and it's important to prepare children for the possibility of further changes in their loved one's abilities and behavior. Explain that these changes may be challenging but that you will navigate them together as a family.


Encourage Open Communication

Create a safe space for children to ask questions and express their feelings about the situation. Let them know that it's okay to feel sad, confused, or frustrated. Listen actively, validate their emotions, and offer reassurance.


Seek Support

Consider involving a professional, such as a counselor or therapist, who specializes in helping children cope with family members' dementia. They can provide additional guidance and support tailored to your child's specific needs.



Explaining dementia to children is a sensitive and essential process that can help them better understand and navigate the changes they will witness in their loved one. By using age-appropriate language, emphasizing empathy, and maintaining open communication, you can ensure that children feel informed and supported throughout their journey alongside their family member with dementia. Ultimately, teaching children about dementia can lead to greater compassion, patience, and resilience in the face of this challenging condition.

By Kelly Yale February 5, 2024
Entering the realm of caregiving for a parent with dementia is a journey fraught with emotions. For adult children, the weight of a diagnosis can feel like an emotional earthquake, shaking the very foundations of their world. The realization that a beloved parent is grappling with dementia is a profound moment that triggers a rollercoaster of emotions, leaving adult children to navigate uncharted emotional territories. **The Initial Shock: Facing the Unthinkable** Receiving a dementia diagnosis for a parent is often an unexpected blow, an unwelcome visitor knocking on the door of your family's life. The initial shockwave brings forth a flood of emotions – disbelief, denial, and a haunting fear of an uncertain future. The parent, once a pillar of strength, is now facing an invisible adversary, and the adult child grapples with the enormity of the shift in roles. **Grief in Waves: Mourning the Living** As dementia progresses, adult children find themselves mourning the loss of the parent they once knew, even while that parent is still physically present. The waves of grief crash unexpectedly, triggered by forgotten memories, fleeting moments of clarity, or the realization that the parent-child dynamic has irrevocably shifted. It's a complex mourning, grieving the person's loss while still tending to their needs. **The Heavy Mantle of Responsibility: Becoming a Caregiver** The emotional toll of a dementia diagnosis extends to the newfound role of caregiver that adult children often assume. Struggling with the weight of responsibility, they become the pillars of support, managing medical appointments, navigating the healthcare system, and making decisions on behalf of their parent. The emotional conflict arises as they strive to balance caregiving duties with the need for self-care. **Navigating Identity Shifts: From Child to Caregiver** The dementia journey initiates a profound shift in the identity of adult children. They oscillate between a concerned child and a responsible caregiver, grappling with the challenges of preserving their parent's dignity while ensuring their safety. This identity transformation can be emotionally disorienting, and finding a sense of equilibrium becomes a delicate dance. **The Loneliness of Shared Memories: Yearning for Connection** As dementia erodes a parent's ability to recall shared memories, adult children may experience a profound sense of loneliness. The emotional toll intensifies as they yearn for the connection forged through a lifetime of shared experiences, realizing that some chapters of their family history are fading. The bittersweet challenge is to cherish the moments of clarity and connection amidst the sea of forgetfulness. **Seeking Support: Building Emotional Resilience** Acknowledging the emotional impact of a parent's dementia diagnosis is the first step towards building emotional resilience. Seeking support through therapist sessions, support groups, or even sharing experiences with friends can provide a lifeline. Connecting with others who understand the complexities of the caregiving journey can be a source of comfort and reassurance. **Embracing Moments of Grace: Finding Beauty Amidst the Struggle** Amidst the emotional turmoil, there are moments of grace that sparkle like stars in the night sky. These moments can be as simple as a shared smile, a fleeting recognition, or the warmth of a touch. Recognizing and embracing these moments becomes essential for preserving one's emotional well-being and finding solace amid the storm. In the emotional aftermath of a parent's dementia diagnosis, adult children find themselves grappling with a myriad of feelings. The journey is emotionally complex, from the initial shock to the ongoing grief. Yet, within the struggle lies the opportunity to redefine relationships, find resilience, and discover the enduring beauty of connection in the face of adversity.
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